Comforting Words

We all struggle with what to say at a funeral, or to a friend who has had something bad happen to them.  Here are some words to say that truly comfort, and some to avoid:

Words of Comfort

This is hard.  (Hug)

I’m always going to remember their (smile, laugh, that time when)

I’ll never understand why this happened. 

You aren’t alone

When X happened to me I felt (shocked, angry, frustrated, depressed)  I’d like to call you in the next couple weeks for coffee and I’d be happy to listen to your experience.

I would love to help in some way – I could do X or Y, which would help?

Put on your calendar to call the person in the next weeks & months ahead.  Don't wait for them to call you!

Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are.

We all grieve differently.   You are normal.

What NOT to  Say

I know how you feel.

This is just like when X happened to me.

Don’t cry.  Be Strong.  Don’t say that.  Don’t feel that way.

Everything happens for a reason.

This must be a part of God’s plan.

God never gives us more than we can handle.

This is for the best.

S/He is in a better place.

Let me know if you need anything.

God needed another angel in heaven.

These might sound spiritual but they do more harm than good -- avoid them at all costs!!!

After preaching this on Sunday, a friend came up to me and responded that he had just been at a funeral for someone who had been a great runner. He was trying to think of something to say to the widow
He first thought of saying:  "Jesus must have needed a great runner on the track team"
But
then he thought better and reworded it to:  "If there is a track team in heaven, John is sure on it"
much better.
A simple rephrase can make a big difference in theology and comfort.

Can All mean ALL?

My goal in talking about homosexuality and the issues surrounding it is not to tell you you are right or wrong about your point of view, I’m not going to try to convince you to change your mind on the issue.  

I also can’t in one sermon go through all the Biblical texts that relate to homosexuality.  There are too many and we’d have to go into Hebrew and Greek etc.  But I hope we can do that sometime soon.

My goal is to talk about how the fight about homosexuality is affecting the ministry of the church and the mission of Jesus Christ, and the mission and ministry of Calvary United Methodist Church specifically.

The issue of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights is not new.  These issues have been around for 2,000 plus years.  They ebb and flow between levels of acceptance and levels of how much it is discussed openly in culture – but they have been there.

When its about your family, your people that you love, then this “issue” is deeply personal and touches a part of your heart that is tender.  I first want to encourage everyone to be careful with your words when discussing LGBT rights and roles in the church.  You may be talking to someone for whom this is personal.  And while we can always disagree, please do so with respect and gentleness.

The United Methodist Church has been arguing over LGBTQ rights in the church for 44 years.  Before 1972 there were no rules in the Book of Discipline (BOD) about homosexuality and each local church could do as it felt right.  Glide Memorial UMC in San Francisco did many same sex wedding that were not legal but meaningful.  Since the adoption of the phrase “We believe homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching” in the BOD in 1972 the fight over that language has been constant.  PBS did a 30 minute documentary about the UMC’s fight over the issue highlighting the clergy trials conducted for pastors who came out and pastors who did same sex weddings.  Most recently Rev Frank Schaefer was put on trial in the UMC and his clergy credentials taken away because he conducted the wedding for his son and his son’s husband.

What happens when the world at large sees us, the church, fighting about this issue is damaging to the Mission of Jesus Christ, the Ministry of the Church and the call of Calvary United Methodist Church.

The Mission of Jesus Christ was spoken by Jesus in two places: 

Matthew 22: 37-38  “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your being, and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Matthew 28: 19  “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

So Jesus’ mission can be summed up as: Love God, Love neighbor, Make disciples of all.

When the world sees the church arguing about whether or not LGBTQ people are welcome or not, spending thousands of dollars on church trials, then the mission of Jesus is called into question.  Does the church really want to love our neighbor?  Do we really want to make disciples of all people?   If we are going to start excluding certain groups of people then we really aren’t taking Jesus’ words – make disciples of ALL – seriously.  All means all.  If all doesn’t mean all then who else can be excluded?  Anyone who doesn’t fit our narrow picture of the right kinds of people? 

The Ministry of the Church is in its rituals that enter into people’s lives at special moments.  Baptism, Confirmation, Weddings, Funerals – these are the moments when people who have ignored God all of a sudden feel the tug to connect with the Sacred.  They are open to seeing how God is at work in this new time of their lives.  When we are forbidden from allowing certain people from participating in these moments then we are telling them that God is not with them in the midst of their lives. 

In 2005 I came to Calvary UMC married to a man who promised to love, respect and be faithful husband.  Soon after arriving, I learned that he was not being faithful, and even after being caught and repenting he continued to lie and be in relationship with other women.  I was deeply hurt and broken by the betrayal.  That winter the opportunity came to go to a young clergy conference in Washington DC to learn about the Social Principle of the UMC and how to use them in our ministry.  In a discussion exercise we were asked to listen to each other for two minutes on a topic.  The leader read this statement on marriage from our BOD:

“We affirm the sanctity of the marriage covenant that is expressed in love, mutual support, personal commitment, and shared fidelity between a man and a woman.”

The young, female clergy I was partnered with spoke first.  She spent 2 minutes telling me that the most important part of that statement was the man/woman part and that the church really needed to focus on God’s vision of marriage that was just for men and women. 

When it was my turn I started to cry.  I told her: I had a husband, he had all the right body parts, but he wasn’t loving, committed, or faithful.  For me the most important part of that statement was the quality of a relationship, how people care for and love each other faithfully and that the body parts was the least important part.

I probably get one or two phone calls a year asking me to conduct a wedding for a same-sex couple.  It breaks my heart to have to say “no” because I know that they have been hurt by the church before and that I am being another church person that is rejecting them when deep down I believe God is with them and wants to bless them.  I believe it is the quality of a relationship that God wants us to focus on, and that what is between our legs is not God’s priority.  And we turn not only LGBTQ people away from the church, but many people like me who have been in marriage and know that marriage is more than sex. We long for a church to focus on helping build quality relationships.

Finally, Calvary United Methodist Church has a special place of ministry in this area. When I first came to Calvary UMC I had a bunch of get to know you coffees at people’s homes and I was surprised to find at each one a person or family who was or had a close family member who was LGBTQ.  I had not served a church where I had so many persons affected by this issue and it was humbling.  You are also not alone.  My cousin from California I had not met until we were both in seminary about to become pastors in the United Methodist Church came out to me at my grandmother’s house.  I am saddened that after having an appointment to a church where the senior pastor was not supportive of her she left the UMC and is now clergy in another denomination.  I wish she was Methodist, but I am joyful that she and her wife are happy

Truth in advertising is very important.  20 years ago the United Methodist Church launched the most successful advertising campaign of any denomination in history.  “Open minds, Open hearts, Open doors”  was our slogan and the world loved it, attendance went through the roof.  But 9 months later attendance was back down.  Why?  People found we weren’t so open.  We talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk.  It was disappointing.

Calvary’s mission statement for 10 years has been:  “Sharing God’s unconditional love with all”.  If we really mean that, then all must mean all and we must be prepared to welcome and accept all of God’s children without judgment.  Or else lets change our mission statement.  Lets be honest.  Are we going to welcome everyone – can we decide to welcome people even those we may not agree with morally?? 

I believe that we can.  I believe that this church has the heart for the mission of Jesus:  Love God, Love Neighbor, Make all Disciples.  And I believe all can mean all.  May God help us.

#GC2016  #RMN  #allmeansall

Do non-Christians go to hell?

The world has changed.  We used to go our whole lives without really meeting or getting to know a person of another religion and it was easy to condemn those who were not like us.  But the world shrunk and now we have Muslim doctors, Hindu yoga instructors, Wiccan cousins and Jewish neighbors.  We have met our neighbors who are different and we have realized they are a lot like us -- a lot like Jesus always said.

When Jesus was asked about how to go to heaven by the smart guy Jesus answered, "what does the law say?"  the smart guy said, "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself."  

Jesus said, "you got it."

Smart guy says, "but who is my neighbor?"  in other words - who do I really have to be nice too?  are there people that I can be mean to and not worry about getting into heaven?  Are there "get out of kindness free" cards out there?

Jesus, as he is prone to do, answers the question with a story.  And the story would have had a lot more impact in Jesus' day because they knew who Samaritans are.  Samaritans are to Jews backwards cousins who butcher the faith with just plain wrong ideas - like worshipping on the mountain instead of in the Temple.  Samaritans were dangerous, prone to lead a good Jew astray.  They were evil, refusing to do what God so clearly said to do.  Samaritans were avoided by good Jews at all costs.  

But Jesus goes and makes the Samaritan the hero of the story.  Jesus!  

Good religious people pass by a guy in need and the Samaritan takes care of him -- who did good?  

Smart guy has to admit (but he won't say the word "Samaritan") the one who showed mercy to the hurt man is the one who did good.   Jesus says - go and be like him.

What??  Go be like the Samaritan?!?!

If this story was told today with similar religious tension the story would go something like this:

A guy pulls over to pick up a hitchhiker on Hwy 71 south of Spencer.  The hitchhiker car jacks the guy, beats him up and leaves him on the side of the road.  A car comes by and the Catholic priest on his way to meet Pope Francis notices the guy but doesn't want to be late to meet this amazing Pope and drives on by.  Another car comes by and its a United Methodist District Superintendent on his way to the Imagine No Malaria fundraiser.  She sees the guy on the side of the road but can't stop or she'll miss the chance to help so many in Africa so she passes by.   A Muslim guy who works in the meat packing plant in Storm Lake is driving by, he stops and puts the guy in his car and takes the hurt man to the nearest hospital where he gives the check-in desk his own credit card for expenses.  

Who should we be like? 

Who would God be proud of? 

Who would God welcome into heaven with the words, "well done, good and faithful servant"?

Christianity has always had a variety of thought on the question "do non-Christians go to heaven?" and there are three main answers.

1.  Christian Exclusivism – Must be Christian to go to heaven, no exceptions.  Most people who believe this put a large emphasis on having Jesus as your personal Savior and believer's baptism.    Taken to the logical conclusion not only people who are not Christian are going to hell, but babies, Mentally handicapped, and those who never heard about Jesus.  The problem with this perspective is that the focus is on human understanding and the evangelist rather than God's grace and Jesus' redeeming work on the cross.  It requires that we understand and accept fully Jesus' sacrifice -- and really, do any of us fully understand?

Christian Universalism – Jesus saves all and everyone goes to heaven no matter what.  This is a very tempting, feel good kind of theology that basically brings everyone into the game.  But there is a problem with this as well - does not allow for free will.  God does not make us come to Him/Her.  God invites us and calls to us but God will not make us.  Universalism means people will be in heaven whether they want to or not - and some honestly will not want to be there.

Christian Inclusivism --  Jesus died to save the world, and all who earnestly seek faith, seek to love God and neighbor will be saved.  Not because they believed correctly or because they did good but because they lived in faith, whatever faith they could find, and that faith was lived in their lives.  This allows both for free will and for an inclusive theology that welcomes all who seek.  And while this might sound radical, it is actually a common position in the 2000 years of Christian history.  

 CS Lewis wrote in his classic book Mere Christianity, "We do know that no person can be saved except through Christ; we do not know that only those who know Him can be saved by Him.”  (Page 65)    In other words the work of salvation is through Christ alone, but that does not mean that people have to get it completely right for Christ to save them.

Billy Graham, the father of modern evangelism said in an interview with Robert Schuller May 31, 1997:

"And that's what God is doing today, He's calling people out of the world for His name, whether they come from the Muslim world, or the Buddhist world, or the Christian world or the non-believing world, they are members of the Body of Christ because they've been called by God. They may not even know the name of Jesus but they know in their hearts that they need something that they don't have, and they turn to the only light that they have, and I think that they are saved, and that they're going to be with us in heaven."  

So when you meet your neighbor who is Jewish, who is Muslim, who is Hindu, who doesn't know what they are - don't think to yourself "oh my they are going to hell".  Think instead of how God loves them and wants you to love them too.

So why do evangelism at all?  Why try to share the message of Jesus?  

Because it is good news.  It is good news that God loves us so much that taking a body on earth lived with us and shows us (even through death) that we are precious and beloved.

Jesus shows us what it truly is to be human: kind, generous, humble, loving, patient and self-controlled.  

Jesus shows us what it truly is that God wants for us: joy, peace, love, grace, and renewal.

I preach Jesus not because I worry about hell, but because I know life is better with Jesus in my life today.  And I believe that Jesus can make life better for all of us when we follow his lead and love God and love our neighbors.

Science Vs Religion

So my friend Brad and I went to the car museum, Okoboji Classic Cars,  in North Milford - a great place.  We're looking at these gorgeous old cars and Brad is excited to look under the hoods at the gears, belts and tranny.  Me, I'm looking at the paint, the interior, and thinking about going for a ride around the lake with someone special.    We're both looking at the same car, appreciating the maker and the owner's work to make it so nice, but we are approaching it from different points of view.

This is how I feel science and religion differ in their ways of looking at Creation.

Science looks under the hood at the processes that make the universe work.  Scientists are figuring out what makes this do that by coming up with a theory and testing the theory with an experiment done over and over to see if its right or wrong.  If the experiment can be repeated by other scientists and proves the theory then the theory is accepted as truth.

Religion is looking at the beauty and awe of the universe.  Clergy look at relationships in nature and theorize what they tell us about God and how God wants to be in relationship with us.  A religious theory can't be tested by an experiment, but it does get "chewed on" by other people of faith who look at scripture, reason, experience and tradition to see if the theory "tastes good".   Over much time theories become accepted Truth when enough theologians and people of faith "swallow" the idea and it becomes a part of our belief system.

Both science and religion look for truth, but we look for different kinds of truth in different ways.  Each way, I believe, ultimately leads back to the Creator, the one who made all the universe.  We are simply focusing on different questions and different paths to truth.

One of the greatest lies that modern society has been sold is that people have to choose between science and religion.

This lie is a new idea begun in the late 1800's when Charles Darwin's work began to make some religious leaders very scared.  Darwin himself was trained at a religious college and studied for a brief time to be a pastor but changed to biology.  He struggled with the problem of evil in the world - in nature itself - and lost his faith completely when his daughter died at a young age.  His published works "On the Origin of the Species" was controversial for religious leaders, but not to scientists.  Religious leaders felt that Darwin's work showing the process of evolution negated the hand of God in that process.

I don't feel that this is true.  Genesis 1 & 2 show two very different stories of how God created the universe.  One is more poetry, it is almost a liturgical call and response.
On day one God spoke, God made, God blessed, God saw that it was good.  On day two God. . .
over and over for six days God speaks, makes, blesses and sees that creation is good.  

God starts with nothing, but each day creation gets more complex.  
Creation gets more diverse.
Water creatures give way to insects then to land creatures and to birds and then to humanity.
And it is good.

Look at the theory of evolution and I see the same kind of process - creation starts with simple one celled amebas and becomes more complex, more diverse.  Water creatures give way to insects and then to land creatures and to birds and to humanity.

Evolution describes the process that God used to make the universe.  Evolutionary theory does not say who does the creating or who started it all -- it simply says this is how.  Religion looks at this process and says - wow, the One who started this and came up with this really is amazing!

The United Methodist Church's Book of Discipline (official laws & beliefs) states:
We recognize science as a legitimate interpretation of God’s natural world. We affirm the validity of the claims of science in describing the natural world and in determining what is scientific. We preclude science from making authoritative claims about theological issues and theology from making authoritative claims about scientific issues. We find that science’s descriptions of cosmological, geological, and biological evolution are not in conflict with theology. 


Religion and science do not have to be in conflict. And for the most part I think Christians are the ones who have stoked the fire of conflict with science.  We need to stop it because young people do not want to turn their brains off at the church door.  They want to know that their faith can inform their scientific curiosity and that they do not have to choose between science and faith.  The more Christians push people to choose one or the other the more they will choose science and not the church.

When Christians get it Wrong

Since the Roman Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity and made Christianity the official religion of Rome in 380 AD Christianity has been the dominant religion of the North West Hemisphere.  Everyone was Christian and no one would question the Church (by love or by force) for nearly 1400 years.   But that time has ended.  The Industrial Revolution first and now with the Tech Revolution we are a much smaller world with much more personal choice in religious belief.  More and more people are opting out of the church, yet Jesus remains popular.   Why?

Why do people who love Jesus and profess to follow Jesus turn off so many?

Perceptions of the church are shocking.  The Barna Group did a survey of non-Christian young adults on what their perceptions of Christians are, they said:

91% thought Christians were anti-homosexual
87% thought Christians were judgmental
85% thought Christians were Hypocritical
70% thought Christians were insensitive

Yet people look at Jesus and they love him.  They see Jesus as a guy who stood up to the religious hypocrites and confronted them with the way they judged others.   Jesus ate with sinners.  He hung out with them and knew them and cared for them and they loved him in return.

Are we the church of Jesus being more like Jesus or like the religious people he critiqued??

Here are 4 things Jesus critiqued about the religious leaders of his time:

1.  They had Wrong Motives

Jesus condemned those who prayed out on the street corner so everyone could see them, he criticized those who made a big show of their generosity and giving.  He said we shouldn't do religious things to get pats on the back -- thats the wrong reason.   You can do a good thing for the wrong reason -- and it does negate the good thing because people see your attitude and are turned off.   If you want to serve God, if you want to do something good for others then great - hallelujah!  But if you are just putting in your time and inside you aren't joyful about what you are doing then go home.   Think about it, pray about it and do good for the sake of doing good not for the sake of recognition.

2.  They pointed out other's sin.

Superiority and moral pride turns people off.  No one wants to feel looked down on.  No one wants to be told they are bad.  Inside we know that everyone has their own issues and their own sins.  We need to focus on our own sin and loving others with radical acceptance.

3.  Majoring in the Minors

The Pharisees condemned Jesus for healing on the Sabbath (technically breaking the law).  But they missed the bigger message of love and God's healing power because they were too worried about the little things.  We have to learn to let things go -- don't sweat the small stuff.   It makes us look bad, it makes the church look bad and it makes Jesus look bad when we get bent out of shape over small things.

4.  Being Two-Faced

Come to worship as you are.  Don't put on a different face, use different words or act different because you are around "church people".  As a minister I find it refreshing when I'm in a different place where no one knows my profession and people are being real, being themselves.   But all too often they ask about what I do and all of a sudden they become different.  It makes me sad.  God doesn't love us only on our "best behavior" God loves us as we are and the world respects us when we are real.

When Christians Get it Wrong

Working to be better means taking a good look at what we do wrong.

Lets explore together how Christians negatively impact the world we are trying to love for Jesus.

Saturday Night 6 PM at the AP City Hall

Sunday Morning 9 AM at the AP Amusement Park Majestic Pavilion

Holy Hilarity Sermon

Jesus, resurrected, appears standing in the middle of the locked room of fearful, terrorized people and says “Peace be with you”.  I’m betting that their reaction was more like the first time you open a can of peanuts and out springs coils of snakes.  Peace – what you talking about Willis, Peace? 

Peace – you scared us, we watched you die man.  We watched them beat you to a pulp and nail you to a cross.  We saw you buried in a tomb.  We came up here to this room, locked the doors, shut the windows and have been shaking in fear worse than a nervous dog on July 4 in Arnolds Park.  And here you are coming like a hippy at a NRA conference saying – hey Peace Man!  Are you serious?!?! 

Peace be with us.   How can there peace be with us, we just experienced in a really, truly horrible and visceral way just how corrupt, vicious and violent humankind can be and you want us now to have peace.

Peace in the Greek here is  Eirene  which means security, safety, community and tranquility.  The furthest thing that the disciples were feeling in that moment was Eirene.  And yet that is exactly what Jesus wanted to give them.  Eirene.  A community of security, safety and tranquility a peace that made no sense but was because Jesus was alive.  The grave had a joke played on it, devil had a rejection, Get stuffed Satan – No no no not today death.

Eirene – That is what we have from Christ.  This Peace does not mean we won’t have sorrow, or we wont’ have suffering.  Like Christ we too have to live in a world that is corrupt, vicious and violent.  And like Christ we do not have to give into that world but we can bring to the world a vision of peace, a community of Eirene that demonstrates love in the face of harm, forgiveness in the face of trespassing, transformation in the face of the death-dealing status quo, resurrection in the midst of death. 

Jesus said, Eirene, Peace be with you.  Despite your fear, despite your sorrow, despite the unfairness the world hands to you receive from the hand of God – Peace.

Poor Thomas, there is nothing worse than walking in a room where everyone is laughing and you don’t get the joke.  Not only do you not laugh but you bring down the others.  But Jesus loved him too and offered him the same peace.  The same community, the same blessing, the same love and tranquility are given to Thomas and then extended to those who aren’t going to directly see the resurrection but will believe because they heard the good news. 

The world still doesn’t get what the resurrection means.  They still are living in the delusion of having to fight for love, for community, for peace and tranquility.  When all these things are a free gift.  Our joy is in showing and sharing the peace of God lived in a community of caring and tranquility.  A community where it is safe to be yourself – your imperfect, searching for answers, having doubts and questions, facing temptations and sometimes losing, sometimes together and sometimes falling to pieces self that is beautiful and beloved and belongs here.   And in that community the resurrected Jesus is alive saying Peace be with you.  AMEM.