I hate moving.
Actually, strike that, I hate the sorting through my junk and realizing just how much I hold onto stuff that I might need someday. Or stuff that would make a great art project when I get time. Or half down projects that hit a snag that I never overcame.
I hate sorting through the physical reminders that I have wasted time, money and effort on things I never finished or used.
I hate admitting that I carry around a lot of stuff that I don't need.
I hate letting go of all this. Even though I feel better when its gone, letting go is very hard.
Its admitting the mistake, looking at it and saying, yes, I won't actually do this. I will never actually make something amazing from the free wood pallets I collected. Or the broken antique chair.
I hate admitting my limitations of time, talent and will.
When not in the process of moving, I can live in some denial.
Moving takes that away. I have to deal with this stuff, and choose to pack it up and physically take those hopes and dreams and denial with me. Or I have to go through the process of letting go.
While its bad enough doing this with objects, its even harder with emotional baggage.
But boy is that even more important.
As all pastors, there are so many things I thought I would do, wanted to do, planned to do.
But I didn't get it done.
There are so many wisps of dreams and ideas and hopes that didn't pan out.
And its hard to let them go. To admit that I couldn't do it all.
But now its time to move on and to let go of the past and all the coulda, woulda, shouldas.
To find forgiveness and move forward into a new day.
A lot lighter.
with a lot less stuff.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Friday, September 22, 2017
Love & Faith
Wow, its been a long time since I wrote a blog!! Sorry about that!
It has been an fascinating summer and now that Fall is officially here, there's a certain letting go and moving forward with the change of seasons -- although it doesn't feel very autumn-like today.
The sermon this weekend is on Staying in Love with God. It has been hard for me to think about staying love with God without reflecting a lot on my own love life. For when we think about staying in love, its most often our romantic relationships not God that we think about.
So for those of you who may not know, I was dating a nice guy for about a year and a half but then I broke up with him in July. I broke up with him because I loved him very much, but I also knew that he didn't love me. And I realized that, although I kept trying to be patient and wait, his feeling for me weren't growing. So it was time to move on. It was a really, really hard decision, especially because I had assumed for some time that this relationship was leading to marriage and I had grown a deep bond with his children. In some ways this summer was hard, but it was also good because I spent time in August meeting new people. The pain of letting go is necessary in order to embrace a new beginning.
What makes us fall in love? Its a question that I wish I could answer in a book to sell millions of copies : ) Attraction is great, connection necessary, communication essential, common interests and values very helpful. But yet, human hearts don't follow recipes that if you just mix up the right combinations then *poof*an apple pie of love. I wish it were that easy - if it were then eharmony and match.com would have 100% success rates. But they don't because there is so much of our human hearts that is impossible to define, categorize and label. Our childhood relationships, our deepest fears and desires, our struggle between who we think we are and who we think we want to be all factor into how we see our partner and whether we feel love or not.
Faith reminds us that although we may not find the perfect person for romantic love, we are loved and lovable. That we may not be loved by the particular person we want, in the way we want (looking at you Brad Pitt) But we are perfectly loved but the Creator of the Universe. And we do not have to settle for mediocre relationships, or lukewarm love. God created humans for deep love that is passionate, enduring, accepting all the shadows parts of us with gentle care.
If you have found that kind of love, then I am so happy for you. Stay in love, and nurture it for it is so very precious. Relationships have lots of ups and downs. You will not always feel loving toward your lover, but it is worth the work to grow that relationship. Here's a basic article on staying in love
If you are still searching like me, then blessings to you on the journey. It is a difficult road but it is worth the effort. And in the meantime, have fun, love yourself and feel the love of God sustain you. If you need encouragement give me a call!!
It has been an fascinating summer and now that Fall is officially here, there's a certain letting go and moving forward with the change of seasons -- although it doesn't feel very autumn-like today.
The sermon this weekend is on Staying in Love with God. It has been hard for me to think about staying love with God without reflecting a lot on my own love life. For when we think about staying in love, its most often our romantic relationships not God that we think about.
So for those of you who may not know, I was dating a nice guy for about a year and a half but then I broke up with him in July. I broke up with him because I loved him very much, but I also knew that he didn't love me. And I realized that, although I kept trying to be patient and wait, his feeling for me weren't growing. So it was time to move on. It was a really, really hard decision, especially because I had assumed for some time that this relationship was leading to marriage and I had grown a deep bond with his children. In some ways this summer was hard, but it was also good because I spent time in August meeting new people. The pain of letting go is necessary in order to embrace a new beginning.
What makes us fall in love? Its a question that I wish I could answer in a book to sell millions of copies : ) Attraction is great, connection necessary, communication essential, common interests and values very helpful. But yet, human hearts don't follow recipes that if you just mix up the right combinations then *poof*an apple pie of love. I wish it were that easy - if it were then eharmony and match.com would have 100% success rates. But they don't because there is so much of our human hearts that is impossible to define, categorize and label. Our childhood relationships, our deepest fears and desires, our struggle between who we think we are and who we think we want to be all factor into how we see our partner and whether we feel love or not.
Faith reminds us that although we may not find the perfect person for romantic love, we are loved and lovable. That we may not be loved by the particular person we want, in the way we want (looking at you Brad Pitt) But we are perfectly loved but the Creator of the Universe. And we do not have to settle for mediocre relationships, or lukewarm love. God created humans for deep love that is passionate, enduring, accepting all the shadows parts of us with gentle care.
If you have found that kind of love, then I am so happy for you. Stay in love, and nurture it for it is so very precious. Relationships have lots of ups and downs. You will not always feel loving toward your lover, but it is worth the work to grow that relationship. Here's a basic article on staying in love
If you are still searching like me, then blessings to you on the journey. It is a difficult road but it is worth the effort. And in the meantime, have fun, love yourself and feel the love of God sustain you. If you need encouragement give me a call!!
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
The Confederacy doesn't deserve Memorials
This past weekend I preached on the meaning of memorials in our lives and the need to choose wisely what memorials we make in our hearts, our homes and in our communities.
Memorials have 4 functions:
1. Mark time
2. Remember people who have gone before us
3. Remember how God was at work in those persons lives
4. A visual reminder to tell our children the story of our history and values
I talked briefly about one memorial that I am very glad came down. The Battle of Liberty Place monument celebrated the White League that carried out a coup of the state government, attacking the integrated Metropolitan police force and the state's militia that was primarily black. The White League won the battle killing 13 police officers and disarming the state militia. They controlled the state and began to set up an alternate government until President Grant sent federal troops to regain control.
In America, we respect elections. We don't do coups of our state or federal government. We don't celebrate the killing of police officers and we don't set up alternative governments. If we lose an election, we work peaceably with our fellow Americans and try to win the next election. The Battle of Liberty Place monument stood for everything that is anti-American and I am glad it has now been taken down.
Two other monuments were also taken down, one a statue of General Robert E. Lee. Lee led the Confederate army against the United States of America. That is treason. There is a long-standing romancing of Southern history, one that makes the Confederacy seem noble. But there was nothing noble about it - these men committed treason against their country because they wanted the right to keep human beings as slaves. Over time, as public opinion on slavery changed, the reasons for the south succeeding has been cloaked under the words "states rights" and "way of life" referring to "the Cause" rather than slavery specifically. You only have to read the speeches and documents of the leaders of southern succession from that time to get the truth.
In the Cornerstone Speech, C.S. Vice President Alexander Stephens declared that the "cornerstone" of the new government "rests upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery – subordination to the superior race – is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth"
The declaration of succession drafted by the state of South Carolina outlines their "right" to keep slaves and makes clear why at that moment, just after the election of Abraham Lincoln as president, that they were succeeding: "A geographical line has been drawn across the Union, and all the States north of that line have united in the election of a man to the high office of President of the United States, whose opinions and purposes are hostile to slavery. He is to be entrusted with the administration of the common Government, because he has declared that that "Government cannot endure permanently half slave, half free," and that the public mind must rest in the belief that slavery is in the course of ultimate extinction."
It is time that Christians in America (particularly white ones) rise up and declare once and for all that what the south did was morally wrong and anti-Christ. Memorials to any leaders of the Confederacy should be taken down. The memory of the Confederacy should not be sanitized but exposed for what it truly was: a treasonous moral failing of racism and greed. Confederate flags represent treason and the promotion of slavery. The Confederate flag has been used as a terrorist tool to bring fear to African-Americans, it has no place in our society.
Our national memorials should point to the unity of our United States of America and our belief that all are created equal. Our memorials should only lift up our highest ideals of one nation, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. Our flags should only be the flag that stand for all of us.
Memorials have 4 functions:
1. Mark time
2. Remember people who have gone before us
3. Remember how God was at work in those persons lives
4. A visual reminder to tell our children the story of our history and values
I talked briefly about one memorial that I am very glad came down. The Battle of Liberty Place monument celebrated the White League that carried out a coup of the state government, attacking the integrated Metropolitan police force and the state's militia that was primarily black. The White League won the battle killing 13 police officers and disarming the state militia. They controlled the state and began to set up an alternate government until President Grant sent federal troops to regain control.
In America, we respect elections. We don't do coups of our state or federal government. We don't celebrate the killing of police officers and we don't set up alternative governments. If we lose an election, we work peaceably with our fellow Americans and try to win the next election. The Battle of Liberty Place monument stood for everything that is anti-American and I am glad it has now been taken down.
Two other monuments were also taken down, one a statue of General Robert E. Lee. Lee led the Confederate army against the United States of America. That is treason. There is a long-standing romancing of Southern history, one that makes the Confederacy seem noble. But there was nothing noble about it - these men committed treason against their country because they wanted the right to keep human beings as slaves. Over time, as public opinion on slavery changed, the reasons for the south succeeding has been cloaked under the words "states rights" and "way of life" referring to "the Cause" rather than slavery specifically. You only have to read the speeches and documents of the leaders of southern succession from that time to get the truth.
In the Cornerstone Speech, C.S. Vice President Alexander Stephens declared that the "cornerstone" of the new government "rests upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery – subordination to the superior race – is his natural and normal condition. This, our new government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth"
The declaration of succession drafted by the state of South Carolina outlines their "right" to keep slaves and makes clear why at that moment, just after the election of Abraham Lincoln as president, that they were succeeding: "A geographical line has been drawn across the Union, and all the States north of that line have united in the election of a man to the high office of President of the United States, whose opinions and purposes are hostile to slavery. He is to be entrusted with the administration of the common Government, because he has declared that that "Government cannot endure permanently half slave, half free," and that the public mind must rest in the belief that slavery is in the course of ultimate extinction."
It is time that Christians in America (particularly white ones) rise up and declare once and for all that what the south did was morally wrong and anti-Christ. Memorials to any leaders of the Confederacy should be taken down. The memory of the Confederacy should not be sanitized but exposed for what it truly was: a treasonous moral failing of racism and greed. Confederate flags represent treason and the promotion of slavery. The Confederate flag has been used as a terrorist tool to bring fear to African-Americans, it has no place in our society.
Our national memorials should point to the unity of our United States of America and our belief that all are created equal. Our memorials should only lift up our highest ideals of one nation, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. Our flags should only be the flag that stand for all of us.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Slow Roll Coming!!
June 28th members of Calvary United Methodist Church are leading a new kind of community bike ride - a Slow Roll. Slow Roll is a bike ride for everyone; all ages, all skill levels and every type of bike is welcome. Starting at the new Calvary Church south of Casey’s in Arnolds Park, it will be a 5 mile ride returning to the church for free sandwiches, drinks, marshmallows and bonfire. Registration is free and begins at 5, ride begins at 6 with drinks and food following the ride. Neighbors are especially welcome to come to get to know each other.
The Slow Roll began with two friends in Detroit who wanted a a casual bike ride that would welcome everyone. Calvary UMC had a youth mission trip to Detroit in 2015 where they met the founders of the Slow Roll and heard about the benefits of the ride.
“We were excited that the ride focuses on community building - getting neighbors to know one another and enjoy some time in the sun together.” states Rev. Dr. Sarah Rohret who was on the mission trip with the youth. “We wanted to bring that community-building opportunity to our area as soon as we had a way to host the event.”
The Slow Roll idea is in its 7th year in Detroit, and has spread across the US to many major cities including Chicago and Minneapolis. The slow pace keeps the group safe and gives riders a unique perspective of their city and its neighborhoods. In 2016, Slow Roll grew to over 12,000 registered riders across the USA and that number continues to increase.
There are many bicycle rides in our area, but none quite like the Slow Roll. Volunteers are welcome to help - contact Calvary UMC 712-332-2447. To register for the event you can go to the Calvary website www.calvarylovesall.com.
Friday, April 14, 2017
The Shack
I loved the movie, The Shack, and here's why.
I love the way Mack "wrestles" with God and is honest in his doubt, anger, guilt and distance from God is honest and real. "In our doubt there is believing" is one of my favorite lines from the Hymn of Promise 707 UMH. Movies that present Christians as so sure of themselves annoy me, because I spend way more time with people who are unsure than people who are arguing for God.
I love the images of God - Papa being a black woman, a Native American man -- coming to Mack in the way Mack needs. There are a hundred different images of God used in the Bible:
Rock, Mother Hen, Mother Eagle, Fountain of Life, Shepherd, Gate, Lion of Judah etc. Some are female images, some are male, some are neither. El Shaddai can be translated "God with breasts".
Jesus says God is spirit in John 4, and we will worship God in spirit. So there is no earthly image that completely captures who God is, God is bigger than any one picture. All of them capture just a piece. So we need all of the images together, and some times one image will speak to us more than another image. Mack had a problem with his abusive father, and the image of God as father was not helpful to him. I totally believe God's love for us would lead God to appear to us as we would best receive God -- male, female, black, white, whatever.
I love the theology of the Shack. There is so much and it is rich and deep and good theology. It centers on the person of the Trinity which I also believe has to be the center of Christian faith. God is love, because God is relationship. God, inside of God's self, is 3-in-1, unity in diversity, in relationship and love. The conversation the Trinity has with Mack in the book explaining that no one has to be in charge is AWESOME. I use it often in Confirmation. I wish that dialogue had been in the movie. Too often Christians have used the world's image of hierarchy to describe God, and to form our church. This gets used in bad ways -- Church people demanding their own way, the church forcing its way, oppression of the poor, of women, of minorities being excused or even promoted. Jesus preached love - for God, neighbor, enemies, everyone.
Many people are critical that God isn't powerful enough, almighty enough, in the movie or book. But this is the God who came as a baby born in a barn to teenage parents. God who chose to die on a cross. God whose main image in the book of Revelation is the slain lamb. God is all powerful, but God doesn't have short man syndrome. God doesn't go around saying "I'm the almighty cower before me". God doesn't want cowering, God wants relationship.
Thats enough for now, I'd love to know what your thoughts/questions were.
I'm thinking this might be a sermon series in June -good or bad idea??
I love the way Mack "wrestles" with God and is honest in his doubt, anger, guilt and distance from God is honest and real. "In our doubt there is believing" is one of my favorite lines from the Hymn of Promise 707 UMH. Movies that present Christians as so sure of themselves annoy me, because I spend way more time with people who are unsure than people who are arguing for God.
I love the images of God - Papa being a black woman, a Native American man -- coming to Mack in the way Mack needs. There are a hundred different images of God used in the Bible:
Rock, Mother Hen, Mother Eagle, Fountain of Life, Shepherd, Gate, Lion of Judah etc. Some are female images, some are male, some are neither. El Shaddai can be translated "God with breasts".
Jesus says God is spirit in John 4, and we will worship God in spirit. So there is no earthly image that completely captures who God is, God is bigger than any one picture. All of them capture just a piece. So we need all of the images together, and some times one image will speak to us more than another image. Mack had a problem with his abusive father, and the image of God as father was not helpful to him. I totally believe God's love for us would lead God to appear to us as we would best receive God -- male, female, black, white, whatever.
I love the theology of the Shack. There is so much and it is rich and deep and good theology. It centers on the person of the Trinity which I also believe has to be the center of Christian faith. God is love, because God is relationship. God, inside of God's self, is 3-in-1, unity in diversity, in relationship and love. The conversation the Trinity has with Mack in the book explaining that no one has to be in charge is AWESOME. I use it often in Confirmation. I wish that dialogue had been in the movie. Too often Christians have used the world's image of hierarchy to describe God, and to form our church. This gets used in bad ways -- Church people demanding their own way, the church forcing its way, oppression of the poor, of women, of minorities being excused or even promoted. Jesus preached love - for God, neighbor, enemies, everyone.
Many people are critical that God isn't powerful enough, almighty enough, in the movie or book. But this is the God who came as a baby born in a barn to teenage parents. God who chose to die on a cross. God whose main image in the book of Revelation is the slain lamb. God is all powerful, but God doesn't have short man syndrome. God doesn't go around saying "I'm the almighty cower before me". God doesn't want cowering, God wants relationship.
Thats enough for now, I'd love to know what your thoughts/questions were.
I'm thinking this might be a sermon series in June -good or bad idea??
Friday, February 24, 2017
Love and Marriage
The most read newspaper article of 2016 was not anything political or about the election,
it was Alain de Botton's NYT article "Why you will marry the wrong person"
Krista Tippett has a discussion wth Alain in this podcast that is brilliant, funny and insightful.
I really encourage everyone in a relationship, or hoping to be in a relationship, to listen and learn.
My cheat sheet of insights:
+ we are all broken, and need to approach the other with that understanding
+ we naturally give children more benefit of the doubt -when one is fussy or says "I hate you", we ask ourselves if they are hungry or tired or had a bad day. We need to approach our partner the same way
+We are all hard to live with (but most of us don't realize it)
+the mundane is the reality of lived love - who cleans the toilet is a service of love
+self-righteousness is an enemy of love.
it was Alain de Botton's NYT article "Why you will marry the wrong person"
Krista Tippett has a discussion wth Alain in this podcast that is brilliant, funny and insightful.
I really encourage everyone in a relationship, or hoping to be in a relationship, to listen and learn.
My cheat sheet of insights:
+ we are all broken, and need to approach the other with that understanding
+ we naturally give children more benefit of the doubt -when one is fussy or says "I hate you", we ask ourselves if they are hungry or tired or had a bad day. We need to approach our partner the same way
+We are all hard to live with (but most of us don't realize it)
+the mundane is the reality of lived love - who cleans the toilet is a service of love
+self-righteousness is an enemy of love.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
What its like to be a pastor
Being a pastor is sometimes extremely lonely.
You are taught in seminary:
Be professional
Don't bring your life into the pulpit (unless its a cute hokey story)
Don't cry
Don't show that you are struggling
Don't ask for help, prayers or support --
Pastors give those things, you don't ask for them.
The congregation needs to know you are strong
That you can be leaned on
That your family is a shining example of perfect love
That you have it all together
That you always know where God is and what God is saying
That you are there for them - the congregation - all the time.
This is what you are taught to believe it means to be a pastor.
You are taught in seminary:
Be professional
Don't bring your life into the pulpit (unless its a cute hokey story)
Don't cry
Don't show that you are struggling
Don't ask for help, prayers or support --
Pastors give those things, you don't ask for them.
The congregation needs to know you are strong
That you can be leaned on
That your family is a shining example of perfect love
That you have it all together
That you always know where God is and what God is saying
That you are there for them - the congregation - all the time.
This is what you are taught to believe it means to be a pastor.
Friday, February 10, 2017
Yoga & Christianity
Sue Debord is going to be doing chair yoga 10 AM & gentle yoga at 11 AM on Wednesdays
Some people struggle with the use of yoga by Christians. They point to the fact that yoga is a practice of Hinduism and comes out of a different culture. This is true.
However, Christianity has a long history of integrating the symbols and practices of other religions into our practice. Like a pendulum, Christians go back and forth between acceptance and rejection of borrowed practices.
The Puritan movement in the 1600's is when Christians started to reject traditions that were not Biblical, to seek a more "pure" Christianity. This was just after the big split from the Roman Catholic Church so many of the traditions of catholicism were rejected: icons, incense, churches that were ornate with stained glass, the Rosary, clergy robes etc etc. Puritan churches were simple, no instrumental music, no decorations, just preaching of the Word.
This impulse to go back to "pure" Christianity is still seen in many denominations and is the root compulsion at the center of those who reject Halloween, yoga, Christmas trees etc.
In the other direction, Christians have often accepted with curiosity and delight new practices and traditions of peoples that they lived amongst. For example when Roman Christians entered into what is now Germany and encountered the winter solstice traditions that honored gods of light & life with cutting down and decorating of fir trees, the Christians embraced this tradition and incorporated it into our Christmas celebrations leading to Christmas trees. When in Scandinavia, the tradition of counting down to the solstice with candles became our Advent wreath. These traditions are not universal. Christmas trees and Advent wreaths are not used by Christians in Ghana, China or Mexico because they are borrowed traditions from Northern European pagan culture. Only when you live in a cold climate do these traditions speak to you and have meaning for you.
Christianity is a Middle Eastern religion, the traditions of Jesus and his followers were desert traditions: washing feet, anointing with oil, dipping bread into wine. But for Northern European Christians these traditions don't speak. They are strange and uncomfortable. So we discovered and borrowed and transformed other traditions so they spoke to us about Jesus's love.
This is what people are now doing with yoga. Christian traditions of sitting and listening in church isn't speaking to some people anymore. Yoga's movement, holding, stretching, breathing and finding balance is speaking to us in our modern culture. The Holy Spirit is working in people through this practice. So lets use it! Lets connect with God in the ways that speak to us and call us to know Jesus' love.
What traditions speak to you? What traditions have lost meaning over time?
What questions do you have about yoga? Write in the comments!!
Some people struggle with the use of yoga by Christians. They point to the fact that yoga is a practice of Hinduism and comes out of a different culture. This is true.
However, Christianity has a long history of integrating the symbols and practices of other religions into our practice. Like a pendulum, Christians go back and forth between acceptance and rejection of borrowed practices.
The Puritan movement in the 1600's is when Christians started to reject traditions that were not Biblical, to seek a more "pure" Christianity. This was just after the big split from the Roman Catholic Church so many of the traditions of catholicism were rejected: icons, incense, churches that were ornate with stained glass, the Rosary, clergy robes etc etc. Puritan churches were simple, no instrumental music, no decorations, just preaching of the Word.
This impulse to go back to "pure" Christianity is still seen in many denominations and is the root compulsion at the center of those who reject Halloween, yoga, Christmas trees etc.
In the other direction, Christians have often accepted with curiosity and delight new practices and traditions of peoples that they lived amongst. For example when Roman Christians entered into what is now Germany and encountered the winter solstice traditions that honored gods of light & life with cutting down and decorating of fir trees, the Christians embraced this tradition and incorporated it into our Christmas celebrations leading to Christmas trees. When in Scandinavia, the tradition of counting down to the solstice with candles became our Advent wreath. These traditions are not universal. Christmas trees and Advent wreaths are not used by Christians in Ghana, China or Mexico because they are borrowed traditions from Northern European pagan culture. Only when you live in a cold climate do these traditions speak to you and have meaning for you.
Christianity is a Middle Eastern religion, the traditions of Jesus and his followers were desert traditions: washing feet, anointing with oil, dipping bread into wine. But for Northern European Christians these traditions don't speak. They are strange and uncomfortable. So we discovered and borrowed and transformed other traditions so they spoke to us about Jesus's love.
This is what people are now doing with yoga. Christian traditions of sitting and listening in church isn't speaking to some people anymore. Yoga's movement, holding, stretching, breathing and finding balance is speaking to us in our modern culture. The Holy Spirit is working in people through this practice. So lets use it! Lets connect with God in the ways that speak to us and call us to know Jesus' love.
What traditions speak to you? What traditions have lost meaning over time?
What questions do you have about yoga? Write in the comments!!
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Marriage Pyramid
In doing research for my sermon this week I came across this really good article from Psychology Today. It has a lot of great stuff in it about marriage and divorce. One concept that was totally new to me was the Pyramid of Marital Needs. I have never heard of this and it was one of those "why didn't I think of this?" moments that I thought I would share.
Safety = Mutual Trust, Honesty,
Kindness, providing for each others basic needs (shelter, food, etc)
freedom from fear of abuse
Love = Mutual affection, connection wanting the best for the other,
common interests, fun together
Esteem = personal self esteem in yourself and esteem from & for the spouse, mutual respect, common goals in life, working together
Actualization = supporting each other in reaching one's full potential, creativity, spirituality, discovery.
Unfortunately, there are way to many couples who don't even share the two foundational pieces of the pyramid - Safety and Love. Safety, particularly freedom from abuse, is critical to moving up the pyramid. You can't work on any other problem in marriage unless you have safety including mutual trust and honesty. Love is also foundational, it is that feeling inside but also just sharing common interests and wanting the best for the other person. When you honestly don't care what happens to the person then you should not be married to them.
Esteem and Actualization are growth areas that first require you to work on yourself before you can work on them as a couple. You have to have self esteem before you can have esteem for your partner or for a co-worker. I have seen many people ruin a relationship because they didn't have the self-esteem to stand side-by-side with their partner. They wanted to be on top, or better than their partner and so when their partner got accolades then they were jealous, defensive and often brought their partner down. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!
Actualization is one of the hardest areas and I think that it is the place where you see a couple go from and "ok" marriage to a truly "happy" marriage. Actualization is reaching forward in life, trying new things, exploring new places, and having the freedom to make mistakes without fear of being ridiculed. When a husband supports his wife in taking a new class, trying a new activity or going to a new place on her own without being insecure, then she can become the best "her" God made her to be. And likewise with husbands. Everyone needs to be able to pursue new things, and couples need to try new things together. When we don't do this, the marriage may be ok but boring and not as fun. Its critical to be able to fail and know your spouse is there for you, and to give each other the freedom to grow without growing apart.
What area of the pyramid is solid in your marriage?
Which area needs work?
Kindness, providing for each others basic needs (shelter, food, etc)
freedom from fear of abuse
Love = Mutual affection, connection wanting the best for the other,
common interests, fun together
Esteem = personal self esteem in yourself and esteem from & for the spouse, mutual respect, common goals in life, working together
Actualization = supporting each other in reaching one's full potential, creativity, spirituality, discovery.
Unfortunately, there are way to many couples who don't even share the two foundational pieces of the pyramid - Safety and Love. Safety, particularly freedom from abuse, is critical to moving up the pyramid. You can't work on any other problem in marriage unless you have safety including mutual trust and honesty. Love is also foundational, it is that feeling inside but also just sharing common interests and wanting the best for the other person. When you honestly don't care what happens to the person then you should not be married to them.
Esteem and Actualization are growth areas that first require you to work on yourself before you can work on them as a couple. You have to have self esteem before you can have esteem for your partner or for a co-worker. I have seen many people ruin a relationship because they didn't have the self-esteem to stand side-by-side with their partner. They wanted to be on top, or better than their partner and so when their partner got accolades then they were jealous, defensive and often brought their partner down. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!
Actualization is one of the hardest areas and I think that it is the place where you see a couple go from and "ok" marriage to a truly "happy" marriage. Actualization is reaching forward in life, trying new things, exploring new places, and having the freedom to make mistakes without fear of being ridiculed. When a husband supports his wife in taking a new class, trying a new activity or going to a new place on her own without being insecure, then she can become the best "her" God made her to be. And likewise with husbands. Everyone needs to be able to pursue new things, and couples need to try new things together. When we don't do this, the marriage may be ok but boring and not as fun. Its critical to be able to fail and know your spouse is there for you, and to give each other the freedom to grow without growing apart.
What area of the pyramid is solid in your marriage?
Which area needs work?
Thursday, January 26, 2017
"Love as a Way of Life"
Book Review "Love as a Way of Life" by Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman is most famous for his hit book, "The Five Love Languages". It is a great book and has a lot to teach particularly about how to love your spouse or partner. This book that our Calvary Book Club read for January teaches us about the characteristics a person exhibits to convey love. These 7 characteristics are
Chapman goes through each of the 7 characteristics breaking each one down further. What I find most helpful is how Chapman takes a simple trait like kindness and looks at its many facets in how it is lived. How do you chose to be kind? What does kindness look like? What happens when kindness is rejected? How do you be kind with your attitude, words and actions?
Each chapter ends with making that characteristic a habit and questions for reflection.
If you have struggled with the phrase "love your neighbor as yourself", if you have ever wondered why you do not get the responses back that you desire from others around you then this is a great book for self-reflection. It will help you look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate how you can be more loving in practical ways. It will help you have a Jesus-centered world-view that is counter to the growing "me first" world-view around us.
Gary Chapman is most famous for his hit book, "The Five Love Languages". It is a great book and has a lot to teach particularly about how to love your spouse or partner. This book that our Calvary Book Club read for January teaches us about the characteristics a person exhibits to convey love. These 7 characteristics are
- Kindness
- Patience
- Forgiveness
- Courtesy
- Humility
- Generosity
- Honesty
Chapman goes through each of the 7 characteristics breaking each one down further. What I find most helpful is how Chapman takes a simple trait like kindness and looks at its many facets in how it is lived. How do you chose to be kind? What does kindness look like? What happens when kindness is rejected? How do you be kind with your attitude, words and actions?
Each chapter ends with making that characteristic a habit and questions for reflection.
If you have struggled with the phrase "love your neighbor as yourself", if you have ever wondered why you do not get the responses back that you desire from others around you then this is a great book for self-reflection. It will help you look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate how you can be more loving in practical ways. It will help you have a Jesus-centered world-view that is counter to the growing "me first" world-view around us.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Blue Christmas
December can be a wonderful month if you love Christmas music and when your family and friends are going to be gathering around you soon for the holidays.
But December can be a very hard month when someone you love has died or is far away.
When you are struggling with an addiction, mental illness or physical illness.
When there is conflict in your family,
when you and your spouse are fighting or divorcing,
when your kid is struggling and there is nothing you can do to fix it for them,
when your parent or sibling is sick or going through tough times and you can't make it better.
When you are gay or Muslim or different in some other way and you live in a place where you feel afraid that someone is going to hurt you, say something mean to you, or paint on your car or house.
When you have lost a job, or money is tight and you don't think you can afford the things we are taught to "need" to make Christmas merry.
There are so many reasons why December can be hard.
I have had many Blue Christmases over the years. The Christmas a few months after my separation and filing for divorce, knowing my step-son was going to be taken right after Christmas to live with his Dad and I would not be given visitation was particularly hard. The first Christmas without my dad was another. These are just a couple. It was very difficult both of those times to be the public face of Christian hope and Christmas joy while also going through deep personal loss and grief.
We are always living lives that are a complex mix of emotions. Sad and happy, merry and depressed, hopeful and cynical. Our lives are never perfectly merry and, the good news is, they are never fully dark either. There is always a reason, no matter how small, to be thankful --even if the only thing we are thankful for is that we are not alone in the dark. Jesus is holding our hand, walking with us, and bringing back the light bit by bit.
If you are struggling this Christmas, know that you can talk to me. And you are invited to our Blue Christmas Service Thursday Dec 21 at 6:30 PM You are not alone in the dark - we are with you!
But December can be a very hard month when someone you love has died or is far away.
When you are struggling with an addiction, mental illness or physical illness.
When there is conflict in your family,
when you and your spouse are fighting or divorcing,
when your kid is struggling and there is nothing you can do to fix it for them,
when your parent or sibling is sick or going through tough times and you can't make it better.
When you are gay or Muslim or different in some other way and you live in a place where you feel afraid that someone is going to hurt you, say something mean to you, or paint on your car or house.
When you have lost a job, or money is tight and you don't think you can afford the things we are taught to "need" to make Christmas merry.
There are so many reasons why December can be hard.
I have had many Blue Christmases over the years. The Christmas a few months after my separation and filing for divorce, knowing my step-son was going to be taken right after Christmas to live with his Dad and I would not be given visitation was particularly hard. The first Christmas without my dad was another. These are just a couple. It was very difficult both of those times to be the public face of Christian hope and Christmas joy while also going through deep personal loss and grief.
We are always living lives that are a complex mix of emotions. Sad and happy, merry and depressed, hopeful and cynical. Our lives are never perfectly merry and, the good news is, they are never fully dark either. There is always a reason, no matter how small, to be thankful --even if the only thing we are thankful for is that we are not alone in the dark. Jesus is holding our hand, walking with us, and bringing back the light bit by bit.
If you are struggling this Christmas, know that you can talk to me. And you are invited to our Blue Christmas Service Thursday Dec 21 at 6:30 PM You are not alone in the dark - we are with you!
Saturday, October 22, 2016
My Beginning Experience
Beginning Experience is a great resource that I wish I had used sooner.
After my divorce, I thought that I should be able to work through my loss on my own. I read some books, did some journalling and thought that should be it - I just need to move on.
Many years later a friend asked me to fill in for her at this retreat that needed a pastor to come pray with people. It was the Beginning Experience retreat. I really didn't know much about it, but I came for the Saturday evening time and prayed with people.
It was an awesome experience just praying with these folks. I could see that they were in the middle of a great transformation - people were really being healed and working through their stuff. As I was leaving the evening, the leader walked me to my car. He asked me about myself, and I revealed that I was divorced too. He invited me to come to the next retreat and I resolved to do so.
On my retreat weekend I came with a very healthy bit of skepticism. I thought I would just go through it so that I could help lead the next time, I didn't really need to be there, I was ok. But after our first couple sessions a lot of anger came out of me all of a sudden. Issues that I had stuffed deep down inside came bursting out. I was shocked, the other people on the retreat were shocked, but they accepted my feelings and helped me work through them.
At the end of the retreat I felt such relief. I felt freer and more myself than I had been in a long time. By putting the past to rest, present day issues in my life became clearer.
I'm really grateful for the Beginning Experience program, and I encourage anyone who has gone through a divorce or has been widowed to go on the retreat. It is a life-changing retreat.
Check out our website for more info on how to get signed up. Our next retreats are Nov 4-6 and then in March
After my divorce, I thought that I should be able to work through my loss on my own. I read some books, did some journalling and thought that should be it - I just need to move on.
Many years later a friend asked me to fill in for her at this retreat that needed a pastor to come pray with people. It was the Beginning Experience retreat. I really didn't know much about it, but I came for the Saturday evening time and prayed with people.
It was an awesome experience just praying with these folks. I could see that they were in the middle of a great transformation - people were really being healed and working through their stuff. As I was leaving the evening, the leader walked me to my car. He asked me about myself, and I revealed that I was divorced too. He invited me to come to the next retreat and I resolved to do so.
On my retreat weekend I came with a very healthy bit of skepticism. I thought I would just go through it so that I could help lead the next time, I didn't really need to be there, I was ok. But after our first couple sessions a lot of anger came out of me all of a sudden. Issues that I had stuffed deep down inside came bursting out. I was shocked, the other people on the retreat were shocked, but they accepted my feelings and helped me work through them.
At the end of the retreat I felt such relief. I felt freer and more myself than I had been in a long time. By putting the past to rest, present day issues in my life became clearer.
I'm really grateful for the Beginning Experience program, and I encourage anyone who has gone through a divorce or has been widowed to go on the retreat. It is a life-changing retreat.
Check out our website for more info on how to get signed up. Our next retreats are Nov 4-6 and then in March
Monday, October 10, 2016
Gratitudes
Wow. Its hard to believe that the new church is now built, dedicated and a regular part of our everyday lives. I keep saying it over and over -- WOW.
I'm so grateful to each and every person who gave their time, talents, gifts and service to see this building built. It truly was all of us together, led and guided by God. Every minute given, every penny given, has been a blessing. We could not do it without everyone -- thank you!
Thank you to all of our contractors. They are used to having one person, or a couple, to answer to and here were 200 owners trying to tell them what to do -- I am grateful for their patience in putting up with us!!
I am so grateful to my family, especially my children, who have borne the cost of this project by giving up time with their mother. I am sorry for every concert and game missed, bedtime and homework time done on your own because of meetings - Thank you my darlings for understanding and forgiving me. And I am grateful to have a special friend who helped me laugh and relax these past 6 months - thank you for supporting me and walking with me on this last leg of the journey.
8 years this building has been the focus of our lives, not the only thing we have done, but the main thing we have talked about and worked towards. The dedication service was so wonderful, and yet so surreal to me. All this time boiled down to this celebration. It felt like a wedding and Christmas in one. I am so grateful to everyone who pitched in to help make it an extra-special day. Bishop Haller did such a wonderful job and I know that we will often think about wading in the water when we think of where God is leading us next -- thank you Bishop!
And now its all done and over. We have celebrated and opened the presents and even cleaned up the wrapping paper. It feels to me a lot like the week after Christmas. Or the week after the honeymoon. The focused planning is all done, the celebration over and now we just live with each other. Now we figure out how to be together in this new space. Let us enjoy our new normal, rest a bit. Then lets turn our eyes to where God is leading us and again stick our toes in the water.
I'm so grateful to each and every person who gave their time, talents, gifts and service to see this building built. It truly was all of us together, led and guided by God. Every minute given, every penny given, has been a blessing. We could not do it without everyone -- thank you!
Thank you to all of our contractors. They are used to having one person, or a couple, to answer to and here were 200 owners trying to tell them what to do -- I am grateful for their patience in putting up with us!!
I am so grateful to my family, especially my children, who have borne the cost of this project by giving up time with their mother. I am sorry for every concert and game missed, bedtime and homework time done on your own because of meetings - Thank you my darlings for understanding and forgiving me. And I am grateful to have a special friend who helped me laugh and relax these past 6 months - thank you for supporting me and walking with me on this last leg of the journey.
8 years this building has been the focus of our lives, not the only thing we have done, but the main thing we have talked about and worked towards. The dedication service was so wonderful, and yet so surreal to me. All this time boiled down to this celebration. It felt like a wedding and Christmas in one. I am so grateful to everyone who pitched in to help make it an extra-special day. Bishop Haller did such a wonderful job and I know that we will often think about wading in the water when we think of where God is leading us next -- thank you Bishop!
And now its all done and over. We have celebrated and opened the presents and even cleaned up the wrapping paper. It feels to me a lot like the week after Christmas. Or the week after the honeymoon. The focused planning is all done, the celebration over and now we just live with each other. Now we figure out how to be together in this new space. Let us enjoy our new normal, rest a bit. Then lets turn our eyes to where God is leading us and again stick our toes in the water.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Clown Camp Part 2
Its Friday morning at Mooseburger Clown Camp - and I am tired!
Yesterday was a loooooong day with lots more to learn than I could ever absorb in just a week.
It has been a lot of fun and I've met so many kinds of people from all over the USA (and Canada!) I met a retired lady from Hawaii who has clowned for 30+ years, retired from clowning but still comes to camp because she loves it. I met a stomach doctor who clowns as a scientist teaching kids about conduction and electricity. I met clowns who do this full time in the circus, and clowns who do this full-time doing birthday parties and events as well as clowns who just do this as a fun little hobby. Many, many Shriner's clowns are here - they do parades, their own circus and events purely to raise money for the Shriner's hospital to treat kids. Amazing generous spirits!!!
So you may wonder what kinds of things does a clown learn at clown camp? Well, I've learned:
How to trip, how to run into a door or wall
How to do make up and take it off
How to juggle and make your own juggling balls -- I'm still working on the skill but I know how!
How to use puppets
How to sit on an invisible bench
Storytelling and music, and dancing
Things I haven't had time to learn but people are doing it here:
Slapstick - getting hit by boards or get slapped and not get hurt
Balloons -- Oh you should see the awesome balloon sculptures people are making!
Face painting -- not just simple stuff that teens do at the Amusement Park but professional face painters who work on cruise ships are teaching fancy stuff
Masks and Stilts and so much more!
One of the things that has struck me (I was discussing this with a teacher who wants to use clowning in her classroom) is how much of the core of clowning applies to everyday life. How to observe people and interact with them on their level just to get them to smile and laugh. Thats what being a clown is - sharing a smile and making the world a little happier.
Every morning I have gone to the Catholic chapel service at 7 AM (eek!!) but it has been refreshing to receive a little sermon each day and pray with the retreat workers and some of the other clowns. Each day Calvary people have been in my heart and prayers in that little chapel.
One thing that has struck me about it though -- each morning the priests serve communion and I can't receive the elements because I'm not Catholic. The first day it didn't bother me much, I just prayed on my own. But today my mouth watered and I literally longed for bread and juice, to taste God's presence. It made me so proud to be part of a denomination that believes firmly in an open table where all are welcome no matter what.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous week and getting more sleep than I!!!
Yesterday was a loooooong day with lots more to learn than I could ever absorb in just a week.
It has been a lot of fun and I've met so many kinds of people from all over the USA (and Canada!) I met a retired lady from Hawaii who has clowned for 30+ years, retired from clowning but still comes to camp because she loves it. I met a stomach doctor who clowns as a scientist teaching kids about conduction and electricity. I met clowns who do this full time in the circus, and clowns who do this full-time doing birthday parties and events as well as clowns who just do this as a fun little hobby. Many, many Shriner's clowns are here - they do parades, their own circus and events purely to raise money for the Shriner's hospital to treat kids. Amazing generous spirits!!!
So you may wonder what kinds of things does a clown learn at clown camp? Well, I've learned:
How to trip, how to run into a door or wall
How to do make up and take it off
How to juggle and make your own juggling balls -- I'm still working on the skill but I know how!
How to use puppets
How to sit on an invisible bench
Storytelling and music, and dancing
Things I haven't had time to learn but people are doing it here:
Slapstick - getting hit by boards or get slapped and not get hurt
Balloons -- Oh you should see the awesome balloon sculptures people are making!
Face painting -- not just simple stuff that teens do at the Amusement Park but professional face painters who work on cruise ships are teaching fancy stuff
Masks and Stilts and so much more!
One of the things that has struck me (I was discussing this with a teacher who wants to use clowning in her classroom) is how much of the core of clowning applies to everyday life. How to observe people and interact with them on their level just to get them to smile and laugh. Thats what being a clown is - sharing a smile and making the world a little happier.
Every morning I have gone to the Catholic chapel service at 7 AM (eek!!) but it has been refreshing to receive a little sermon each day and pray with the retreat workers and some of the other clowns. Each day Calvary people have been in my heart and prayers in that little chapel.
One thing that has struck me about it though -- each morning the priests serve communion and I can't receive the elements because I'm not Catholic. The first day it didn't bother me much, I just prayed on my own. But today my mouth watered and I literally longed for bread and juice, to taste God's presence. It made me so proud to be part of a denomination that believes firmly in an open table where all are welcome no matter what.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous week and getting more sleep than I!!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Clown Camp Day 1
Why are you going to clown camp??
I was asking myself the same question as I walked in – why am
I doing this??
Well 22 years ago when I went to UNI, the Wesley Foundation
UMC Campus ministry I attended for church had a clown troupe. I loved the make-up, the costumes, the
skits, but I was just to self conscious, too timid as an 18 year old to be a
clown.
So this past January I was contemplating the new year and my
40th birthday and the things I haven’t done and what goals I wanted
to set for myself and one thing that came to mind was clown camp. The joy, the laughter, the silliness
seemed just what I needed. So I
signed up and paid a little each month – now I’m here!
Its amazing how God knows what you need and provides it so
much better than I could ever have hoped.
I arrived at camp and found that the clown camp is held at a Catholic
retreat center. There is a chapel
where there is worship every morning and I’ve already stopped in for some
personal reflection. There is a
gorgeous view of a lake and the grounds are full of flowers and meditation
places to walk too.
I had no idea in January where I would be today with the struggles with my family and the church building - but God knew and God knew what I would need in the midst of this.
I had no idea in January where I would be today with the struggles with my family and the church building - but God knew and God knew what I would need in the midst of this.
I’m certain that I came to be a clown, but God knew I also
needed some retreat time. And here
I’m getting both – some quiet meditation and prayer combined with a lot of
laughter and silliness. And
I’m having to reach out and be with people I’ve never met before from all
across America – a great learning lab for me on outreach too!
God is great!
Thursday, July 21, 2016
It all starts with Connection
Do you remember that first moment you felt connection with your spouse or SO? The smile, or laugh or brush of a hand that made your heart race and you knew there was something there - it feels so good to find a connection with someone. It feels good because this is what God created us for - connection.
When God created the universe, God took the formless void and divided out the light, the land, the water, plants, animals and finally humankind. Everything was created from the same mush, by the same hand of God.
God said, "Let us make humankind in our image" As Christians we see this verse as confirmation that from the very beginning God was a Trinity - both diverse and unified at once. God - Creator, Savior, Sustainer - is one God and yet at the sometime distinct, different and multiple.
God created us in this image - we are distinct and different but yet we are one human family.
What we see around us with all the problems in our world regarding race, religion and politics is our human tendency to see our differences and assign greater importance to our difference than to our sameness.
It is after the fall, after Adam and Eve eat the apple that division and disconnection enters the world. All of a sudden they hide from God. They are disconnected from God. And they blame and shame each other - they are disconnected in their relationship. Disconnection is a result of sin and fallen-ness. Our pointing fingers, blaming and shaming one another is a result of sin. God created us for connection and relationship without blame and shame and sin.
Every white skinned person has (after a certain age) sun spots. Those dark spots on your skin prove that you have just as much Melanin as the darkest black person from Africa. Melanin, the chemical that gives our skin our amount of darkness, is all there in white people - it just isn't switched on. Sun damage switches it on and viola we have dark spots. So if blacks, browns, and whites all have the same amount of the same chemical in our skin, why is skin color so important to us?
We've been taught. We have been taught that skin color is important and associated with all kinds of other traits - thick lips, thick noses, laziness, musicality, sports ability, low intelligence -- all these things are stereotypes that have nothing to do with skin color. They have nothing to do with each other at all. Except that we have been taught over generations and generations that they go together with a shade of skin. It is a result of sin, of disconnection, that we look at our differences and assign blame and shame because of them.
God teaches us that we come from the same family, the same Creator, and that our sameness is more important than our differences. Our differences are meant to help us complement and teach each other different perspectives. But our sameness is meant to hold us in unity as one family of God. We are created for connectedness and unity, while complementing each other with our individuality.
Its not easy. Our political views get us arguing with each other and soon we are dismissing each other. I struggle with this. I have a friend that I really like, but some of the things he posts on Facebook make my blood boil. I was ready to unfriend him this past week, but after a day of cooling down I decided to take another tactic - I decided to go on a prayer campaign, praying for him as often as I can. I'm putting post-it notes around my house to remind me. I'm not praying he changes, I'm praying God blesses him and loves him and that he finds peace and joy everyday.
It is not easy, because we live in a fallen world where sin and shame are all around us. We are taught to look at our differences and assign greater meaning to them. But we can also unlearn this. We can learn to look more to our sameness and our unity as people of one family, created by one God.
When God created the universe, God took the formless void and divided out the light, the land, the water, plants, animals and finally humankind. Everything was created from the same mush, by the same hand of God.
God said, "Let us make humankind in our image" As Christians we see this verse as confirmation that from the very beginning God was a Trinity - both diverse and unified at once. God - Creator, Savior, Sustainer - is one God and yet at the sometime distinct, different and multiple.
God created us in this image - we are distinct and different but yet we are one human family.
What we see around us with all the problems in our world regarding race, religion and politics is our human tendency to see our differences and assign greater importance to our difference than to our sameness.
It is after the fall, after Adam and Eve eat the apple that division and disconnection enters the world. All of a sudden they hide from God. They are disconnected from God. And they blame and shame each other - they are disconnected in their relationship. Disconnection is a result of sin and fallen-ness. Our pointing fingers, blaming and shaming one another is a result of sin. God created us for connection and relationship without blame and shame and sin.
Every white skinned person has (after a certain age) sun spots. Those dark spots on your skin prove that you have just as much Melanin as the darkest black person from Africa. Melanin, the chemical that gives our skin our amount of darkness, is all there in white people - it just isn't switched on. Sun damage switches it on and viola we have dark spots. So if blacks, browns, and whites all have the same amount of the same chemical in our skin, why is skin color so important to us?
We've been taught. We have been taught that skin color is important and associated with all kinds of other traits - thick lips, thick noses, laziness, musicality, sports ability, low intelligence -- all these things are stereotypes that have nothing to do with skin color. They have nothing to do with each other at all. Except that we have been taught over generations and generations that they go together with a shade of skin. It is a result of sin, of disconnection, that we look at our differences and assign blame and shame because of them.
God teaches us that we come from the same family, the same Creator, and that our sameness is more important than our differences. Our differences are meant to help us complement and teach each other different perspectives. But our sameness is meant to hold us in unity as one family of God. We are created for connectedness and unity, while complementing each other with our individuality.
Its not easy. Our political views get us arguing with each other and soon we are dismissing each other. I struggle with this. I have a friend that I really like, but some of the things he posts on Facebook make my blood boil. I was ready to unfriend him this past week, but after a day of cooling down I decided to take another tactic - I decided to go on a prayer campaign, praying for him as often as I can. I'm putting post-it notes around my house to remind me. I'm not praying he changes, I'm praying God blesses him and loves him and that he finds peace and joy everyday.
It is not easy, because we live in a fallen world where sin and shame are all around us. We are taught to look at our differences and assign greater meaning to them. But we can also unlearn this. We can learn to look more to our sameness and our unity as people of one family, created by one God.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Learning to Love
We learn first from our families, our parents and siblings
and the people closest to us. But
then we learn from Disney movies about naïve, helpless princesses and heroic
princes and happily ever after which ironically always ends immediately after
the wedding. We learn from soap
operas where love is always a game of possession, lies, and traps. We learn from sitcoms where one parent
is the responsible adult and the other is a big kid who makes everyone
laugh. Is it no wonder we struggle
to have healthy strong relationships in this modern age of media?
As people of faith our learning about love comes first from
looking at how God loves. God’s
love for us and humanity is the pattern for our loving. How Jesus loved, caring for the
hurting, the poor, the rejected, the sinners and accepting all as precious is
our example of love. And our first
place to practice this love is in the church. How wonderful would it be for parents to bring their kids to
church expecting them to learn about love from watching church members?
When Paul writes what is called “The Love Chapter” 1 Corinthians 13, he isn’t writing for
a couple of lovers. He doesn’t
write it for romantic love at all.
In fact Paul doesn’t really thing romantic love is all that great – his
preference is for Christians to stay single and celibate and focus their lives
on God and on service. (this
standard continued for another 1,300 years, Christian churches/pastors weren’t
involved in weddings at all until
that time)
Paul writes The Love Chapter for the church. Specifically a group of house churches,
at this time there were no church buildings, who were quarreling with each
other comparing and trying to one-up each other all the time. Paul first writes chapter 12 – how we
are all given a gift from the Holy Spirit and we need each other like a body
needs both hands and feet, eyes and ears.
We are the body of Jesus and we need each other to work together.
Then Paul switches on us with Chapter 13 – but even though
we may have these gifts, they are nothing without love. We can have talents and skills but if
we don’t use them with love its pointless. The quality of how we interact with each other matters. And the first quality should be
loving.
Then Paul fleshes out what loving looks like. Patience, kindness, not
keeping score or wrongs, not flying off the handle, not being self-centered,
forgiving, hoping for better, believing, trusting.
It’s a long list.
It’s a list that when I read it at weddings, I feel bad because it’s a
tall order for two people mad about each other. It’s a really tall order when we realize this is how we are
supposed to love the people we sit in church with and sometimes kinda
like. It’s a tall order when we
are supposed to love the people at the church down the street with this
love. When we are supposed to
treat every person we meet with this love.
This week we have seen a lot of un-loving actions in the
world. And what are we supposed to
do? It may seem naïve, silly,
pointless, even stupid, but Jesus says we are supposed to meet persecution with
love, rejection with love, hurt with love, we are supposed to respond to hate
with love. Because God loves us that way.
Its not easy. Its not supposed to be easy. But God calls us beyond what our society, our culture and our human guts say (all those things would let us focus on revenge and getting even) God calls us to a higher standard, Love. What does look like this week, of all weeks? Like this:
Monday, July 11, 2016
New Sermon Series: Summer of Love
"All you need is Love" -- The Beatles
Summer 2016 is going down as a summer of bombings, shootings, racism, terrorism and a whole lot of social media fighting. What is Jesus' answer to all of these problems?
It may sound naive, simplistic and maybe downright dumb yet the answer Jesus gave us over and over was this: Love one another.
How can we as individuals and as a church in Arnolds Park, Iowa help change the world? By striving to love one another all the more. So this summer lets talk about love. Platonic love, Agape/Godly love, Philo/brotherly love and yes romantic love as well. We'll go to all parts of the Bible and talk about many aspects of love and how we can act more loving. And in loving we change the world.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Faith on the Street
Jesus talked about people who live their faith so that other people can see them.
Jesus said: Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
5 “And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. 6 But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:1-6
Sharing our faith is a tricky thing. On the one hand we are told to go and share the good news of Jesus with the world- we believe we have something beautiful to offer others. On the other hand we are told to be careful of practicing our piety before others - if we share our faith the wrong way then we can easily turn people against religion.
We have to ask ourselves, "Is this way of sharing our faith focused on us or on the receiver?" Because its easy to share in the way we want to share, its harder to figure out how does the unchurched, the receiver, want to hear?
Its fun to share our faith in a way that shows the world how good we are, how holy, how nice. Its a lot harder to go into the places where unbelievers hang out and just be with them - the way Jesus was with them just eating and drinking and hanging out, showing that he wouldn't judge them but came to love them. That was Jesus' evangelism plan - hanging out and loving people as they were. When Jesus was on street corners he was healing people, touching them, answering their needs that they brought to him. His public preaching was mostly outside the city, or in the synagogue -- places where people had to choose to go to hear him.
So it troubles me that our Iowa governor has made a declaration that the Bible should be read publicly in every county in Iowa in the next few weeks.
This troubles me for a few reasons,
1. its a violation of church & state -- a principle that protects churches as much as it protects the state and individual rights
2. Jesus says not to do stuff like this and I'm a follower of Jesus. This is standing on the street corner showing how good, and religious we are -- its designed to make us look good, and not to serve others or make the world a better place.
3. The most important reason is that its not good evangelism. Reading the Bible out loud to people going about their business on a beautiful day isn't an act of hospitality, it is an interruption. Its annoying. It makes us look like crazy people, religious zealots, and unchurched people don't want any part of that. When I pass by the guy who reads the Bible on the street corner in Spencer, I feel the same way - he looks crazy to me and I am embarrassed by him.
I won't participate in this event, and I hope that the rest of the ministers in Dickinson County and in Iowa will not participate. I hope that instead of reading the Bible out loud, we can organize days of service and caring. Hand out free cookies on the street corner quietly. Clean up the beaches or trails together as churches.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
The Power of Stillness
"Be still and know that I am God"
God commands that we do what is good for us - to be still and be with Him.
Stillness is counter-cultural in our world that values constant communication, motion, accomplishment. Yet all that busy-ness, all the going can keep us from truly feeling our feelings and letting God be at work in our hearts.
Be Still, God says.
Just Be.
Be still, and in quiet listen to God.
Connect with God.
Let God open up your heart and be at work inside you.
10-15 minutes a day
1 hour a week
1 day a month
2-3 days a year
Be still and be with God
Need a guide to get started? Michael Hyatt has a simple guide here
Want someone to walk you through some guided meditations? UCLA Mindfulness center has some great guided meditations here. They are from a secular, health perspective
Here are some Christian guided meditations from a faith perspective.
Ready for a day-long retreat? here is a great website that will walk you through a whole day with God! I also have some books and other resources for taking a personal retreat day.
Want a great place to go on a personal retreat? Wellsprings Farms (formerly Clare's Well) is a wonderful place to get away by yourself and its not too far away.
God commands that we do what is good for us - to be still and be with Him.
Stillness is counter-cultural in our world that values constant communication, motion, accomplishment. Yet all that busy-ness, all the going can keep us from truly feeling our feelings and letting God be at work in our hearts.
Be Still, God says.
Just Be.
Be still, and in quiet listen to God.
Connect with God.
Let God open up your heart and be at work inside you.
10-15 minutes a day
1 hour a week
1 day a month
2-3 days a year
Be still and be with God
Need a guide to get started? Michael Hyatt has a simple guide here
Want someone to walk you through some guided meditations? UCLA Mindfulness center has some great guided meditations here. They are from a secular, health perspective
Here are some Christian guided meditations from a faith perspective.
Ready for a day-long retreat? here is a great website that will walk you through a whole day with God! I also have some books and other resources for taking a personal retreat day.
Want a great place to go on a personal retreat? Wellsprings Farms (formerly Clare's Well) is a wonderful place to get away by yourself and its not too far away.
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