I hate moving.
Actually, strike that, I hate the sorting through my junk and realizing just how much I hold onto stuff that I might need someday. Or stuff that would make a great art project when I get time. Or half down projects that hit a snag that I never overcame.
I hate sorting through the physical reminders that I have wasted time, money and effort on things I never finished or used.
I hate admitting that I carry around a lot of stuff that I don't need.
I hate letting go of all this. Even though I feel better when its gone, letting go is very hard.
Its admitting the mistake, looking at it and saying, yes, I won't actually do this. I will never actually make something amazing from the free wood pallets I collected. Or the broken antique chair.
I hate admitting my limitations of time, talent and will.
When not in the process of moving, I can live in some denial.
Moving takes that away. I have to deal with this stuff, and choose to pack it up and physically take those hopes and dreams and denial with me. Or I have to go through the process of letting go.
While its bad enough doing this with objects, its even harder with emotional baggage.
But boy is that even more important.
As all pastors, there are so many things I thought I would do, wanted to do, planned to do.
But I didn't get it done.
There are so many wisps of dreams and ideas and hopes that didn't pan out.
And its hard to let them go. To admit that I couldn't do it all.
But now its time to move on and to let go of the past and all the coulda, woulda, shouldas.
To find forgiveness and move forward into a new day.
A lot lighter.
with a lot less stuff.